Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
