Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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