Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
