It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
