i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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