I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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