problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
