butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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