I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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