there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
