You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
