I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
