3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
