I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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