i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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