Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
This toilet bowl is my home.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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