Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
