i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
