I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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