FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
