Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
