god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
