obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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