32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
