i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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