Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
