She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
