i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
