I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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