Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
