I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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