I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
