I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
