i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize