i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
