im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
