Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
