guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
