pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
