I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
