You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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