Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
