I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
