i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
