you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
