I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
