do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
