What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
