I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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