my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
