Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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