I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
