Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
