I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
