My liver just broke up with me...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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