chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Watching her eat just hurts me
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
