He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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