But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
