dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
