Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
